just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
