even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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