around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
