Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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