Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
