i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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