I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
