I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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