8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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