the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
its liver damage thursday
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
