ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
