i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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