please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
