sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
