if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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