Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
