God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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