the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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