remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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