you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
