Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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