Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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