Plan B is the new Plan A
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
