I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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