We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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