its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
