we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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