it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
