I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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