I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm really busy with my period
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