Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
