btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
