Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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