You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
