My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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