I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You dont lie about slip and slides
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
