I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
