My hair reeks of homosexuality.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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