I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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