And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
