fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
