i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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