whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
