he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
