trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
