I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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