i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
