Where is the hickey?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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