My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
