You tried to poop in the sink last night.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
