Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
