Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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