So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
