i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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