I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
