its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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