I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
