Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I didn't shave. On purpose
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
