Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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