My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
