So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
